Sunday, February 10, 2008

Si Asa Am Devenit Croitoreasa

Privesc cum se schimba lumea in jurul meu, de la minut la minut, de multe ori fara influenta mea directa, sau chiar contrar acesteia, de parca legile fizicii s-au schimat in mod unic pentru mine. Putine lucruri mai au sens, logica fiind indepartata cu brutalitate. (Asta fiind ironia cea mai mare, nevoia mea de logica marcandu-mi intreaga viata.)
Lucrurile ma depasesc cu viteze duble fata de ceea ce ar trebui sa fie legal, si sunt din ce in ce mai multe concepte, idei, obiceiuri si ganduri care sunt peste puterea mea de intelegere. Si cand am o pauza mica iar vijelia din jurul meu imi perimite sa trag pe dreapta, dau un telefon, de fiecare data la aceeasi persoana. Mereu asculta, e mereu acolo si care ma ajuta cu orice poate chiar daca cererile mele sunt complet aiuriste si ora la care sun se apropie prea des de nesimtire. Cand o sun, nu o fac ca sa ma plang, nu, pur si simplu o sun pentru ca lucrurile imi par prea incredibile si am nevoie de un fel de martor doar ca sa ma asigur ca nu mi-am pierdut complet uzul ratiunii (si pentru ca mirarea e mereu mai distractiva daca o imparti cu cineva).
In ceea ce priveste postul anterior: it's not a small world, it's really a huge one, and I'm nobody's girl - at least for now - and that is just fine by me! I need a while to patch myself up again, but no worries, I'm quite an expert - you can hardly tell. The bad part is that I may be to young for this... and I've fell apart for so many times... Si de fiecare data am luat ata si acul si mi-am cusut ranile, ca sa nu iasa prea mult dinauntrul meu, sa nu-mi pierd esenta. Dar in cat timp oare voi fi goala? Voi pierde putin cate putin precum un ursulet de plus, inca un pic din umplutura, la fiecare ruptura (+ ce mai iese printre cusaturi) . In cat timp voi putea fi aruncata la gunoi? O biata piele dar nimic mai mult. Si care dintre cei ce ma cunosc vor plange si oare cati vor simtii inauntru macar un graunte de vina? Time, time is quiet, it never acutually tells anything, it shows! It demonstrates the resut panifully, and it eventually will for me to, and for all of you out there.

Dissapointment(?)

I'm not a bad person, I just seem to make things without thinking (as of lately), I never intended to hurt anyone, and some of you people will just have to put a little trust in me once in a while. I'm not saying that's easy, all I'm saying is that it's worth it.
Oh well, at least my daddy thinks I'm fine, but then again, that's kinda his job...

I can't sleep tonight
Everybody saying everything's alright
Still I can't close my eyes
I'm seeing a tunnel at the end of all these lights

Sunny days
Where have you gone?
I get the strangest feeling you belong
Why does it always rain on me?
Is it because I lied when I was seventeen?
Why does it always rain on me?
Even when the sun is shining
I can't avoid the lightning

I can't stand myself
I'm being held up by an invisible man
Still life on a shelf when
I got my mind on something else

Sunny days
Where have you gone?
I get the strangest feeling you belong
Why does it always rain on me?
Is it because I lied when I was seventeen?
Why does it always rain on me?
Even when the sun is shining
I can't avoid the lightning

Oh, where did the blue skies go?
And why is it raining so?
It's so cold
I can't sleep tonight
Everybody saying everything's alright
Still I can't close my eyes
I'm seeing a tunnel at the end of the lights

Sunny days
Where have you gone?
I get the strangest feeling you belong
Why does it always rain on me?
Is it because I lied when I was seventeen?
Even when the sun is shining
I can't avoid the lightning
Oh, where did the blue skies go?
And why is it raining so?
It's so cold
Why does it always rain on me?
Why does it always rain on ...

Travis - Why Does It Always Rain On Me?


Photo by http://sbudacean.deviantart.com

:icongreen-sphinx: (Voica): It's a small world, and I'm everybody's girl

Thursday, February 7, 2008

What More Can I Say? (Re-edited)

This one is just for you!
I don't know why, or how, but in one manner or another, every small bit of life is still reminding me of you and it feels so surreal not seeing you. So many things changed in such short time and I need a little more (of everything) to figure things out, to figure myself out. I'm making rash decisions that influence the lives of more people than I wanted.
So just breathe. Look at photos. Don't deny the feelings that were or the ones that are, and don't close doors for the ones that could be. Remember. Take it all in, you are not doing anyone any good otherwise. Let the air flow and breathe quietly.
See I can't even make up my mind about this silly blog, and you still jump at every hesitation and just slam the door shut.

Wednesday, February 6, 2008

Not Here

I'm looking for Voica.
She's not here right now.
Well where is she then?
She's banging her head against the wall


Steps taken forward but sleepwalking back again, dragged by the force of some inner tide, I'll see you on the other side.

Balancing On The Blade

My choices are half chance and so are everybody else' s and I first need to lose my way in order to eventually finding it back again.
On the other hand the weather was most beautiful today,the kind of weather I imagine there's in Heaven and I just walked around letting the wind blow my hair and my mind away. It made my mind numb, but my body was strangely alert.
Know what my greatest wish is right now? To drive. Just take the wheel and drive with the sun in my face... Soon baby, soon.


:iconIncaDeVeghe: (Andrei): hmm... e ceva in ochii tai...
:icongreen-sphinx:(Voica): as vrea si eu sa stiu ce...

Monday, February 4, 2008

I Dare You

This is me, always dreaming my dreams, weaving figure eights and circles around people's heads (and implicitly my own). Always making up complex worlds out of the smallest things. I am the puppeteer, the master manipulator, the mind-blowing fairy-tale spinner, and eventually, if the situation demands I should be the greatest, most gifted liar of them all. Never have you met someone like me...
But what happens when the master of puppets gets tangled in the strings, oh the strings cut through the flesh so hard and deep: my hands are scarred (on the inside of course) from all the strings I pulled and all the leashes I held.
If you see me, I'll be the one blowing frail bubbles out of soap, waiting for them to burst. I'll be looking as innocent as ever, but when words and not mere air comes out of my mouth - that is when I reveal my true colors. You may not see the signs on my wrists, but look closely there's one on my cheek that shows just how thick it actually is.

I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead;
I lift my lids and all is born again.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)

The stars go waltzing out in blue and red,
And arbitrary blackness gallops in:
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.

I dreamed that you bewitched me into bed
And sung me moon-struck, kissed me quite insane.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)

God topples from the sky, Hell's fires fade:
Exit Seraphim and Satan's men:
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.

I fancied you'd return the way you said,
But I grow old and I forget your name.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)

I should have loved a thunderbird instead;
At least when spring comes they roar back again.
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)

Sylvia Plath - Mad Girl's Love Song



Friday, February 1, 2008

Unde te gasesc?

"Ma simt (si ma comport) ca o adolescenta, si partea ciudata e ca daca mi s-ar fi spus asta acum cateva zile as fi luat-o ca pe o insulta (de fapt asa am si facut), dar acum e bine, e o euforie ciudata ce nu am simtit-o de ceva vreme si o oarecare teama pe nu care credeam ca o s-o mai simt...
Si confuzia creata de imaginea lui asteptandu-ma in intuneric cu o tigara, si de faptul ca nu stiu ce se astepta de la mine si de raceala care intr-un mod absurd ma impiedica sa simt orice alt miros decat cel al pielii sale.
Sunt de nota 10 si in continuare nu reusesc sa pricep de ce."
28.01.2008


A trecut timp, poate prea putin, confuzia nu sa diminuat si probabil ranesc oamenii implicati mai direct sau mai indirect in varza din capul meu. Si m-am refugiat acasa ca un copil las, si asternuturile nu mai miros a nimeni altcineva decat a mine si a detergent proaspat si in viata mea nu mi-a mai fost dor de locul asta pana acum.
Unul vorbeste prea mult si altul prea putin si eu sunt calma, unul e poate prea comun si altul poate prea inaccesibil si eu sunt pasiva, unul este nervos si celalalt ermetic, iar eu sunt singura.
Si totusi unde te gasesc?