Monday, February 1, 2010

Freaky February

Breathe, and try not to laugh! There are no words to describe how ironic this is, but then again what isn't when I'm concerned?! I'm not a big believer in destiny, so I'll just pass it off as coincidence and have a blast with it. Otherwise who knows in what soft-wall cell I'd find myself in soon.
So, shortest month of the year, you really like to make and impression (I understand your need to compensate!). The real adventure of this blog started in February 2008 - when I lost myself, but at the end I got so, so much more back.
February 2009 found me in breezy Rome, with high hopes and walking on air. I went to Italy and back. I so many people and my heart grew bigger just to keep them all in and my mind grew bigger just to understand them all and I'm a better person for it all. I didn't lose myself this time, nor my heart, nor my head, (and before you think of asking - all the alcohol DOES NOT COUNT!), it must have been the air... This also meant no more writing, seems to me, I only turn to the keyboard when my mind needs help to cope, when everything get so twisting and turning inside there, that you just need to unwind and spit it all out. I didn't stop writing altogether, but I wrote, by hand with my blue pen in my owl notebook. It made me a prisoner of it's wooden covers and it was unfair in so many ways, just another wrong turn on my way that I am now trying to fix.
And this brings us to February 2010, because all things have to come full circle. Winter in Cluj seem so have a ridiculous influence on me, this city that is only beautiful when it snows has a way of dragging me all over it's white streets and make me think thoughts that I don't know how to deal with, and do things that I don't want to deal with!
It's the last year of college... Everybody's nerves are stretched out like chords and we all hum like an out-of-tune string orchestra. Some chords snap - I heard the cold does that sometimes - accidents happen, so it is. We play each other, some are better than others, gentler fingers some make the string snap on purpose. (How much can you really take?!). So we are...
And even though it seems the world turned itself inside out yet again, now I am determined not to lose myself. And hopefully I won't lose the people that really matter on the way either.
"On the way to what?" - Well that is a very good question... let me get back at you with the answer. There are words to be said out loud and words to be written, there are decisions to take and there is work to be done, but meanwhile:

Let's have another cup of coffee, and let's have another sip of wine

P.S. In case you somehow have not figured this out yet - I cannot work on something that actually has an importance to save my life. So excuse me while I go drench my responsibilities in alcohol.